~The tears I cry are those of a 10 year old child, a 13 year old girl, a 17 year old teenager in love, and a 37 year old woman who will love you forever~
06/05/12- Copyright © 2012 by Petra Gustafsson
Almost three years on. It’s May, and despite staring spring in the face, I’m returning to that emotional place this part of the year holds for me. Sprinkled by sadness, the world becomes green. I watch nature show its magic and I think of you. I know you loved trees. I’ve taken a wow to hug one whenever I pass them by. They’re so beautiful, majestic, with their emerald green clothing. I think of the one outside my window, the one keeping me company during those first hours of losing you. I talked to it, searched for comfort. It greeted me with the calm I needed. Now it’s gone too. I miss it.
In my need it showed me grace. I watched it for hours. Leafs slowly blowing in the wind, swaying, soothingly showing me life goes on. Shades of dark and light greens, blending, dancing in front of my eyes, leaving lasting impressions on my mind, imprinted forever. Nature moves in circles. It all goes on. That’s what it showed me when my heart cried for you. I now understand it was my Giving Tree. But I didn’t understand it then. Isn’t life just full of surprises?
I move along towards summer, feeling the anxiousness of what will come. Will it be there, the pain of losing you; has it diminished, or increased in its power? Does grieving less, mean loving less? Do my tears measure the love I hold in my heart for you? Sometimes my mind wants me to believe so. Quickly my heart replies no, and I watch you smile. Luckily, I know which one to believe.
My grief has not lessened, but the expressions have changed. When before there was pain and confusion, there is now pain and knowing. I feel the pain, yet know the love.
For all you have showed me, I am grateful. In your death my life became more. My heart loved fuller and my desires rose higher. My wishes ran deeper and my soul flew higher. I now count rainbows and watch for magic. I expect more of me and everyone else. I know life is precious, but it doesn’t end with death. We move in circles, just like nature. That is what My Giving Tree and You have showed me. How do I thank you for that? I miss your earthly presence, but feel your heavenly love.
I will never stop loving you. In my heart you reside.
05/19/12 - Copyright © 2012 by Petra Gustafsson
The lights in our hearts was lit by conception
(But) It was there before
(And) It's there after
No one ever ceases to be
We just move on in the vastness of no time
In a thing called
03/25/12 - Copyright © 2012 by Petra Gustafsson
I will forever be the girl you failed to know,
My love unknown to your earthly being
In silence you were loved,
And forever it shall be
01/04/12 - Copyright © 2012 by Petra Gustafsson
When I call your name
what will your answer be?
Will it trust in what it wants,
or will it trust in me?
12/09/11 - Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson
A kiss on my forehead
Your cheek touches mine
I feel you whisper
Words so divine
I play with your hair
I reach for you hand
I touch your face
Your palm is in mine
I feel the Sweetness
Of an angel breathe
I shiver in joy
I burn when you bleed
I bend my head
I bow in your love
Knowing that God
Granted me you somehow
12/20/11 - Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson
I’ve been fortunate to have the ability to tap into worlds unseen by some people. I see and hear things that others don’t seem to pick up on. I’ve been afraid of going crazy many times, and growing up I decided to be “normal”. In this game of being “normal” I hid what was really me, the reason I came to this place at this time, and the dreams and hopes of my innermost being. All that makes me, well, me! This caused tremendous suffering as one can imagine. Even though blessed with a highly intuitive side, I chose to ignore “the nudges” if you will. I tried to rationalized it, how can I feel other people’s feelings, how can I know these things, how can I feel what people are thinking? How can I tell when people speak untruths? Rationally I can’t. And so, that went out the window. Instead of wanting to explore further, I decided it was a “weird” feature in my design, something obviously gone wrong in the “making of me” and I had no interest of knowing or understanding more of this “weirdness” that was causing me so much pain. Now I find this amusing since I understand it was the IGNORING of it that made it painful, not the actual gift itself.
In closing off I became a bit of a robot. I couldn’t access my deepest emotions; they were locked in behind closed gates, guarded very carefully and surrounded by iron walls, barbwire, lots of self-pity and despair. It was truly a dark existence in many ways. Not that many people around me noticed, but for me, I knew there was more. I knew there was love beyond what I could fathom because I had seen glimpses of it. And I always longed for it desperately. But it all seemed so unreachable to me. No wonder, I had closed off the connection to the source that provides the love beyond the fathomable.
I believe when it gets real bad and we’re on the brink of giving up, we are sometimes “saved” by something that seems outside of us, but most probably are, another part of us. No matter how we choose to see it, it’s no less real. Maybe it has to be experienced, maybe you only need to hear it from another person to understand and accept it. Whatever is the truth for you, be sure to acknowledge the guidance that surrounds you even in the midst of your turmoil, know it’s always there, difficult to detect, but with a truth and love that is undeniable once discovered.
Michael’s been a part of opening my heart all my life. From the first time I fell in love with him at the age of 13, he’s been there to provide me with songs and love that made my heart soar. Whenever I listened to his voice something inside of me melted. The walls around my heart seemed to lessen and I was more available to hear the rhythm of life. He made me feel alive. He helped my heart continue, despite the dark blotches and iron walls. He made a bit of sunshine make its way through, and that was enough for me to get by. I wasn’t “aware” in a conscious way, but I always could feel it and I thrived on this emotion.
So many times I locked myself in a room, put my headphones on and disappeared into his music, his soft voice, his powerful screams, his force of life, his strength, his hope and his love. They all seemed to make their way, squiggle themselves, into my heart space, leaving a glimpse of what feeling alive was all about. He made me feel like anything was possible, like I could achieve any dream, if only for a minute. He made me believe in myself, that I was important, that I should dare to dream. That I truly could reach the top of that mountain, that I was worthy.
He made me feel love, and that wouldn’t have been possible if my heart wasn’t opened. If only for that minute in time, he had opened it. If only for those seconds, if only through that one song, if only for a blink of an eye, he had opened my heart. He had reached through the guarded walls and fooled the security. He had sneaked in. He had made sure I could feel that love of his and that is the magic of Michael, the heart-opener.
Michael has been my heart-opener throughout my entire life. If it wasn’t for him I don’t know where I would be. His is the strongest of influences in my life, from one person solely. I can’t imagine I will ever find someone like Michael affecting me like this again during my time on earth. I know I won’t. But that’s ok, I’ve still got him. He’s safe in my heart, the one he opened all those years ago, and continues to pour his love into.
He has changed not only the way I view life and love, how to be in this world, he has also taught me that there’s no end to life. Life is all there is, and when we move on from here, we continue on somewhere else and it needn’t be far, should we ALLOW and open our hearts to it. We’ve all got the gift, sometimes it’s just well hidden behind those thick walls of our stubborn hearts.
In his giving I have become more, in his love I reside, in his presence I am reborn, through his example I lead.
As 2012 approaches I take you with me, like I have in previous years. I can never let you go and something tells me I don’t have to. Thank you for making me the person that I am.
I love you with all my heart Michael, the one you helped re-open. And always more.
12/30/11 - Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson
Sometimes miracles occur, they may be small or big depending on the person and the wishes, but whatever is true for the person in particular, the miracle is still a miracle. I’ve had one happening today, and though I can’t or won’t reveal the details of it, I can assure you the relief of it ripples through my being. Miracles are love, and love heals. I am so grateful for mine I call it my New Year’s miracle. I could never have dreamt this, yet it was created by doing just that, added with a bit of faith and the wonderful love of someone really close. I love you Michael with all my heart, thank you for helping me believe in the power of love and the importance of letting it flow through our beings with ease.
My heart’s river holds a place for your love to run freely- there will always be room for your magic essence to join it, I invite you with all that I am. THANK YOU.
12/29/11 - Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson
“What really makes me happy, what I love is performing and creating. I really don’t care about all the material trappings. I love to put my soul into something and have people accept and like it. That’s a wonderful feeling. I appreciate art for that reason. I’m a great admirer of Michelangelo and how he poured his soul into his work. He knew in his heart that one day he would die, but that the work would live on. You can tell he painted the Sistine chapel with all his soul. At one point he even destroyed it and did it over because he wanted it to be perfect. He said, “If the wine is sour, pour it out”.
~Michael Jackson, Moonwalk
I love this quote. It’s so much how I feel about art, particularly writing. I feel when I let the words, or creation flow through me, effortlessly, I achieve my best work. Sometimes that’s all I have to do and it looks like I’ve been working at it for hours. When I start questioning, or worrying about it, or thinking about what other people will think of it I’m toast. You can’t think your way into creating something from your soul, it has to be felt and created through the feeling that arises. This is what Michael knew and did. This way his work is forever connected to his soul. That’s why it speaks to us and always will. Thank you for knowing this and “leaving” us with all of your love. I revel in it on a daily basis.
˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥
12/18/11 - Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson
Oh Michael, you were the greatest storyteller of all. I hope you realize this now.
“I’ve always wanted to be able to tell stories, you know, stories that came from my soul. I’d like to sit by a fire and tell people stories-make them see pictures, make them cry and laugh, take them anywhere emotionally with something as deceptively simple as words. I’d like to tell tales to move their souls and transform them. I’ve always wanted to be able to do that. Imagine how the great writers must feel, knowing they have that power. I sometimes feel I could do it. It’s something I’d like to develop. In a way, songwriting uses the same skills, creates the emotional highs and lows, but the story is a sketch. It’s quicksilver. There are very few books written on the art of storytelling, how to grip listeners, ho to get a group of people together and amuse them. No costumes, no makeup, no nothing, just you and your voice, and your powerful ability to take them anywhere, to transform their lives, if only for minutes”
-Michael Jackson, Moonwalk
This is what any great art is about, the ability to show the listeners, the readers, the audiences, what’s in your heart, show them your world, fantasy or not. It’s about exposing your soul for everyone to see and for you to shine brightly, for you to be happy while making others happy. Can life we sweeter than that? I think not. Live your dream people live your dream.
12/15/11 - Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson.
I recently bought a new copy of Moonwalk, the English version, since I only had the Swedish translation from back in the day. I felt I wanted to read the actual words of Michael, in his own language. One can’t help but lose some of the accuracy in a translation. I only received it yesterday, and only flicked through it so far, but I look forward to diving into it over the Christmas Holiday. Should be a good read, although I remember almost everything in it I discovered, as I swiftly looked through the pages. I really loved Michael, and at the age of 13 he was my big idol, so I feel it’s natural that I do.
But something has taken me by surprise lately. As my parents are in a “cleaning out” phase of their house (the one I grew up in) I’ve come to remember just how big of a fan I really was. I honestly didn’t remember, it seems so long ago to me. I’ve felt for a long time, or since Michael passed, that I was a fan, but the most “fan-like” thing I did was attending the Dangerous tour. Well, this turns out to be a lie. I didn’t chase him around the world or anything, but the items collected in my parents’ attic and various other places, tell of a different story. I found a Michael mirror, several posters with him on, two t-shirts, an empty perfume bottle of the perfume he launched, scrapbooks with pictures of him all over, professional pictures from his Dangerous tour that I bought, the actual tickets from the tour, lots of music and videos from MTV, the whole MTV Dangerous Diary edition recorded, The making of Thriller, a scarf from the Dangerous tour, albums etc. there was a lot, and I had forgotten so much of it. I really couldn’t remember I was such a “fan” all those years ago. I was quite happy to be reminded, it was nice remembering all of those times, how I felt and how young I was. Like another lifetime.
I believe my connection and love for Michael has always been there, it just expresses itself differently, and although my approach today is more one of a spiritual soul connection, I cherish the artist as much. I love all aspects of Michael; all that he was, is and continues to be. My life wouldn’t have been the same without him; he’s changed my life in so many ways that I will never be able to explain.
Give me a thousand words or more and it still wouldn’t be enough to carry the first sentence into truth…
That said, I found this quote from Michael at the end of the book. I love it so much I will keep it as my guiding star. It is what I wish for my writing.
“What one wishes is to be touched by truth and to be able to interpret that truth so that one may use what one is feeling and experiencing, be it despair or joy, in a way that will add meaning to one’s life and will hopefully touch others as well. This is art in its highest form. Those moments of enlightenment are what I continue to live for”
I love you Michael. Thank you for all of the inspiration and love.
14/12/11 - Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson .
In the stillness of my heart
In the wisdom of the night
I ponder my love
I behold the stars
I admire the sky
I stare into the darkness
Wishing upon stars
Knowing that every breath I take
Is with you in mind
10/28/11 - Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson
A friend on here asked…how is your Michael Love? After pondering it for a while, this is what I came up with. Written in one go, straight from the heart. Maybe today is a good day to be reminded of the L.O.V.E.
So, how’s my Michael love? Alive and kicking! That would be the short, quirky answer, and as true as that is, my real answer is a much longer one…
My road is a bumpy one, lots of roadblocks and stormy weather but the important thing is, I’m getting there. I’ve been on a rollercoaster ride since Michael passed (or even before that!) but his love has been of great comfort through all of it. I feel his love is so personal, yet universal. I feel he’s with me, and all of you. I feel he’s everywhere and he lets us know all the time if we want to. I went through the heartache, the first reaction into deep despair and unimaginable grief, sorrow, sadness. I grieved for the soul, the man, the father, the brother, the lover, the humanitarian, the King of Pop, my childhood hero and the man I loved so dearly for so many years. I cried for the lost opportunity to meet him, I cursed myself for not reaching out, for not doing something, for not writing that letter, or even trying to let him know of my love. I was lost. I could have stayed that way if it wasn’t for the signs. Signs that let my newly awakened heart see and know more, what were beyond this realm. The eyes of my soul opened and there it was, an unending, undying love. Right in front of me, yet within. Too strong to ignore, to brave to shut down, my heart flung open and in moved the most spectacular of loves. A fire deep within, walking hand in hand with grief for a long time, still does, even today. Grief never stops, it changes colour, like the leaves on trees. It can be known like it is fresh; it can show itself like an old wound. The important thing is to not let it consume you, to let it walk with love; hand in hand…both exist, why not together?
Michael is for me a doorway to the divine, the part he plays in my life is one of a soul connection and I would want nothing else. The “illogic” to this world becomes logic when looking at it with the eyes of the soul. The rational part must exist but I don’t give it as much room as I used to, its much nicer that way, the magic is needed, we are here to change the world and I truly believe, like Michael, that it starts with us and that it requires a look at that man in the mirror, or woman in this case (!)
I keep him in my heart wherever I go; every word I utter is with him in mind. I learn about him every day, he surprises me in unexpected ways and he loves me unconditionally, like he loves all of you. I don’t always go on crusades, but I politely ask people, if they say something rude, if they know what they’re talking about, if its indeed something they know for sure, or if its hearsay. I let them know of my love. I plant trees, I make videos, I write reflections, I email petitions and I vote for his music to stay on top. I’m opening up a new blog that will be about Michael and his extraordinary love. I wear wristbands that let people know of my love and I keep his picture on my computer, mobile and I watch him sing and dance every day. I read his words and absorb his message with every fibre of my being. Obsessed? Maybe, but also bathed in the sweetest love I’ve ever known.
I think about him, I love him and I’m changed because of him. What more could you ask from a soul in human clothing? He did so well, our Michael. He changed the world.
I cry tears of joy and sadness, at the same time. I am happy he was here, sad he had to leave his physical shell behind. Happy to have found him again. He’s helped me believe in things I wasn’t so sure about. He’s assured me life goes on, there’s only love and we will meet again. He is alive in all of us. His message lives through us and his music. It will survive on earth because the creator infused his soul. His is the essence we feel in his work. It’s all right there. No matter when we listen to it, he has gone nowhere.
I carry him in my heart and he clads my outer world. I love him, what more can I say?
I just can’t stop loving you~ Michael
“Never lost, always found,
Just open your hearts to the divine”
11/12/11- Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson
Whatever we can do we must. This is not ok and we must remind the world of that. Put some love back into it.
MSNBC & OTHER TV NETWORKS REWARDING A CRIMINAL
On June 25, 2009, Michael Jackson’s life was taken.
The world lost a great artist and one of its brightest, humanitarian lights. A family lost a loved one, someone cherished to them in ways our own family members are special and precious to each of us.
Since Michael’s death, many have used and exploited his name for their own gain and benefit. Would we expect anything less from the man convicted of causing his death? The same man who refused to testify in the trial, when a family and the jury were desperate for answers, pre-meditatively found the time to secure a media 'fly on the wall' deal for himself, in which now, presumably, full recollection of the events that took a relatively healthy father of three from his family, will now be generously explained.
Murray did so while skirting the law and finalizing payment so it was insured he would be paid no matter the verdict. It is known that plans for this ‘documentary’ were made some two years ago and completed during Murray's own trial. A sane observer would have to ask: Was this the reason Murray felt the need to illicitly tape his patient, the one patient he was hired to care for? Will this audio and other trial related artifacts appear in this film?
The facts speak for themselves. In hindsight, we can now all see the clever game the defense team and their guilty client - Conrad Murray - played on the court, the American people and the justice system. While the defense team was telling the jury this was not a reality TV program, behind the scenes a ‘tell-all' deal for big bucks and face-time was being inked.
So much for the tears.
But of course we have known all along that Murray’s so-called relationship with Michael Jackson was based solely on Murray's greed. After this painful trial, a guilty verdict was heard around the world - a small measure of justice, but justice nonetheless. We all felt a brief sense of vindication, knowing that the man responsible for Michael Jackson’s death was finally being held accountable.
Only hours later, we would learn that Murray and MSNBC, part of the NBC Universal company, planned to air this ‘documentary’. This “reality show”, which will undoubtedly seek to negate the important statement the guilty verdict made, and will attempt to tell the world that “poor Conrad Murray” only mistakenly changed the course of four lives one morning in June 2009.
We are outraged that MSNBC, NBC or any other media outlet would even consider airing this ‘documentary’. Why, how, can this be justified for any other reason but money? The very idea of this ‘documentary’ doesn't just reward a crime, it diminishes the loss of a life, it diminishes NBC Universal, its shareholders and viewers - it diminishes all of us.This verdict isn't even a week old and sentencing is still to be finalized. Yet Murray -- who had nothing to say in court when it really mattered -- now wants to talk without the challenge of a cross-examination by DDA Walgren. The only thing that has changed since the trial is the price.
A man is dead, three children will never see their father again, but to “poor Conrad Murray”, MSNBC and Zodiac Rights -- the timing couldn't be better.
Michael Jackson fans have had enough. Ridicule us if you must, call us names, tell us we only think of Michael as an 'idol' -- but we are not the ones selling his memory, objectifying him and making money off him.
We are boycotting MSNBC, NBC and will mount a protest to any media outlet that chooses to air this film. In the last 24 hours, we have reached out to MSNBC, NBC and some of their biggest advertisers, Pillsbury, Netflix, Comcast and others, to escalate this boycott. We call on all MSNBC and NBC sponsors to pull out their ads. 40 million fans worldwide refuse to endorse what amounts to nothing more than the shameless, contemptible exploitation of a human being -- by the very hand that killed him.
Michael Jackson deserves better. His children deserve better and we, as a country, deserve better than this proposed obscenity.
Because crime shouldn't pay.
I pray for you, me, all of us. I pray for the world to come to a saner way of being, for us to be more open to the idea of love as the basis of our existing. I pray for peace in the hearts and minds of all the inhabitants of the world. I pray for the heavens to help us. I pray for anxious hearts to be stilled. I pray for racing minds to be peaceful. I pray for hate being turned into love. I pray for love to heal our world. Just like Michael did.
There are no fancy words that will do at this time. The world is watching and waiting. I cannot describe what I’m feeling. I feel that everything will be ok no matter what; at the same time as I’m feeling nothing will be ok no matter what. My human self wants justice, my soul knows no justice exists here on earth in the form we have decided it to be. The system we have created as humans have no divine light in it. It’s built on a basis of fear and vengeance, how can we ever get something good out of that? How can justice ever be done when looking at it with the eyes of the soul?
Still it’s so easy to go down that well-trodden path. The path the world has taught us is the right way to go, if justice should be done. The ONLY WAY this world knows justice, to punish someone, to blame and to hate, to make them suffer just like we have. To make them pay for what they have done. Yet, with every though of hate or revenge, we kill ourselves slowly, we don’t harm anyone but ourselves. We drink poison and expect Conrad Murray to die. That’s what it comes down to.
It’s hard, I know. It’s hard to look at it with the eyes of the soul. But when we do, it’s the only way that will work towards love. It’s not love hating someone. It’s not love screaming your head off, wishing another person to die. I feel when we need him the most he’s not here. Because what Michael did was just that. He rarely lashed out on someone. He had all the reason in the world to talk badly about some people, but he never did, and people didn’t understand that. They didn’t understand his love. They didn’t understand his way of being. Because he was too much love, he embodied our soul’s purest nature in holding back. He knew the energy of love creates more love. He knew the energy of hate creates more hate. He knew what you send out is given back. He knew this. And when people start to understand, this system of ours is going down. We need to start living our lives in a new kind of way. We need to be more like Michael. We need to truly listen to him and lead his example. We need to talk less of love and love more. We need to walk the talk. To start living from our hearts and do things that is extraordinary, just like Michael did. He told us over and over again, he showed us how it could be done, because he did it. If he can, we can. That was his message.
He never wanted to do it alone, he begged for us to look at ourselves and make that change. He knew it was all inside of us, in our hearts, that they would lead the way. Maybe that is the lesson here, for all of us who have listened to his words and music for so many years and have not stepped up to our full potential. We need to do it now. We need to do it because Michael is no longer here to do it, it’s time for us to take a stand and bring salvation back. We need to do it in order to raise the energy of love on this planet. We need to be love, just like Michael was. We need to be love. Maybe it’s the most precious gift Michael has ever given us, the possibility to love under impossible circumstances. I can’t think of a better way to honor and celebrate our hero, to give him what he most wanted in life. I am certainly willing to do that. How about you?
Much love to the MJ community, and to Michael’s children and family. I pray for you and I wish nothing but love for us all. May divine justice be served, and may our hearts be able to continue to love whatever happens in these next few days.
Stay with love and stay strong.
(As I post this, the verdict will be read within minutes. This was written in the hours before I knew, so I decided to still post it. I would be lying if I said I was calm. I love you Michael)
11/07/11 - Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson
I feel this is very important. Michael should no longer be called ugly names. We are his voice now. For his children and family, for all of us loving him, it has to stop. I know it doesn’t feel much, but it’s one thing we CAN do. So let’s do it! Love you all.
Open Letter On Behalf of Michael Jackson Fans to the Mainstream Media
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-mXsCIoVyw MJ said it himself that he did not wish to be called "Wacko Jacko".
WE, the undersigned are requesting the worldwide media cease from using any nicknames, slurs or negative epitaphs in regards to Michael Jackson. Always proud of his family, Michael was very much adamant about being referred by his family surname: Jackson
We will update the petition with translations as we receive them.
Open Letter On Behalf of Michael Jackson Fans to the Mainstream Media Dear Worldwide Mainstream Media,
We, the Michael Jackson fanbase, are keenly aware that the Society of Professional Journalists believe that public enlightenment is the forerunner of justice and the foundation of democracy.The duty of the journalist is to further those ends by seeking truth and providing a fair and comprehensive account of events and issues. And although this code of ethics is voluntary, the majority of journalists embrace this code, believing that professional integrity is the cornerstone of a journalist's credibility.
The Michael Jackson fan base is asking for a worldwide media ban of the use of the term "Jacko". Rooted in racism and negativity, the name plants the suggestion of "Wacko Jacko" widely used by tabloids to identify Michael Jackson prior to death. The media's use of this name directly contradicts professional journalists' code of ethics. There is no "public enlightenment" with the use of the term "Jacko". There is no truth to the name "Jacko" and there certainly is no provision for a fair or comprehensive account of any event or issue surrounding Michael Jackson.
The name "Jacko", when used by journalists has two priorities: ratings and revenue. Additionally, the name is used to sway public opinion. In a heightened age of mistrust of the media by the public, it is imperative that journalists truly use their sense of professional integrity, including avoiding the use of headline grabbing names that harm the subject or those related to him.
Leading the way are Elysa Gardner from USA Today and CBS News, both of whom changed their headline from "Jacko" to "Jackson" when asked. We are asking for the rest of the mainstream media to follow suit. Journalists should see this as an act of human dignity, both for themselves as professionals, and for Michael Jackson and his family.
Letter from Dr. Patrick Treacy:
I wholeheartedly support this substantial effort to prohibit the use of the name 'Jacko' in the media when referring to the late Michael Jackson. In reality, this level of offense has continued for quite a period as there are two types of media presently functioning in western society. One embraces objectivity and sees its function to provide credible news commentaries primarily written for its listeners and readers. This type of professional reporter is usually devoid of having to please advertisers with high volume of sales, television audience management (TAM ratings) or ABC numbers. The other type of reporter pens stories that are written solely to please advertisers. These are usually subjective, lack credibility and often push the very limits of legality. Their information sources usually lack proper credentials and may be untrustworthy. Unfortunately, most people in society are poorly informed or inadequately educated and sometimes may not be able to differentiate between the subjective components of the believability of a source or message. The media plays with the minds of these people solely to generate sales of their publications. To achieve high volume they must write about someone who a lot of people know. The absence of regulation in this marketplace leads to gross defamation of character and this is legally easier whenever the person in question is deceased. This media induced misconception once even caused me to prevent Michael from visiting a paediatric hospital, (where I once worked as a junior doctor)to see some children who were recently firebombed in a car and who were left with horrific scars. As he took off his wig and showed me his own burn injuries, I too felt his pain of how the media had treated him so unfairly. I knew that the noble intention of his visit would be used by them. On another occasion, I was contacted and offered a substantial sum to say he used drugs. The worst of this as yet unfolding saga has still to come and I await with some trepidation to what new level the media will stoop to disrespect possibly the greatest humanitarian that the World has recently witnessed. Dr. Patrick Treacy Medical Director Ailesbury Clinics Ltd. Suite 6 Merrion Court Ailesbury Road Dublin 4 IRELAND
Happy Birthday dear Michael. On this day I chose to celebrate you and your beautiful earthly life. I thank the universe and angels for bringing such a sweet soul to earth and for me to be born so I could experience what it was like to share this planet with one of the greatest, if not the greatest. I am happy and humble for the blessings you gave and continue to shower us with. No matter how we chose to remember, or celebrate Michael today, I’m sure he’s proud of us all for continuing on with his mission to spread Լ.O.Ɣ.Є.
Appropriately, I received a set of new wonderful wristbands from “A Million Trees for Michael” this morning. They’re so beautiful and I feel excited to have a few more to choose from because I wear them every day and have been for a year now. I love them, if you haven’t checked them out, please do. People always ask me what they are, and why I wear them. It’s a nice thing to be able to talk about Michael every now and then with random strangers! The wristbands also remind me of what’s really important and they make me feel close to Michael. Pretty wonderful a piece of rubber with words on could do that.
This evening I sent off some lights into the dark star filled evening sky in celebration of your birthday. They were beautiful glowing balloons flickering across the sky, rising higher before they disappeared behind some clouds far, far away. I saw a shooting star and smiled as I knew you had approved. I send you all my love always, but tonight, especially, I pray you know just how much we miss you all over the world. Happy Birthday sweet angel, wherever you are.
You cared from the heart,
loved from the soul
You gave us your all,
and then yet some more…
Thank you Michael.
All my love,
08/29/11 - Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson
Darren Hayes (Australian singer/songwriter) shares what Michael has meant to him and how he almost met him once. I didn’t know Darren was a big Michael fan when I was enjoying Savage Garden back in the day. Although I should have guessed listening to his voice, in hindsight everything seem so clear doesn’t it?
For Michael Jackson fans - This is an untold story of my almost encounter with the King and how M.J inspired me.
Fans of my music will be familiar with my song 'Insatiable'. It was co-written and produced with Walter Afanasieff. What many people don't know is that I wrote my song as a reaction to and after having been inspired by a song that Walter and Alan Thicke wrote for Michael back in '99 called 'Fall Again'.
Here is Michael's demo version
The story goes like this.
When I was recording the Savage Garden album 'Affirmation' with Walter in 1999 at his studio in San Francisco, he played me a demo of the song 'Fall Again' which at that time had Robin Thicke's vocals on it. Walter and Robin had intended to submit the song to M.J for his 'Invincible' album project.
I was completely in awe and all I could hear was Michael.
At the time, Walter told me he wasn't sure if Michael would be interested but as a fan I had a feeling that when M.J heard it he'd respond like I had. It reminded me of the lushness of classic Michael songs like 'Human Nature'.
I knew M.J would kill it.
Sure enough, the song got to Michael and he loved it and agreed to cut a demo of it.
Slight hitch? The only time M.J had available was when Walter was booked in with me to finish the vocals for the Savage Garden album 'Affirmation'.
Walter decided he could record both sessions and so we flew to New York and
I recorded in the mornings with Walter at Sony Studios and he then left in the afternoon to record Michael Jackson at The Hit Factory in the afternoon literally across
The version in this post is the one and only time Michael ever sang the song. One take. He hadn't even had a chance to learn the song properly (and what an amazing job he did!).
The day he recorded Michael Walter came back to my session at Sony Studios about 2 hours later beaming. He spoke in glowing terms about Michael, about his voice, about his politeness and talent. And what touched me the most was he told me that Michael's children (Prince and Paris) were at the session and M.J had set up a t.v monitor in his recording booth so he could see the children playing with the Nanny in another room while he was singing. The session was cut short because the children were poorly and Michael wanted to be a good Dad and tend to them. He apparently apologised and left the session after only one take.
I never heard Michael's version until it was released many years later (even though Walter knew I was a massive fan he respected M.J's privacy and never played it to me). But I had remembered the feeling and the magic of the song from the first time I heard Robin Thicke's vocal and so when it came time for me to record my first solo album, I asked Walter to try and write a song with the same energy with me. That's how we wrote 'Insatiable'.
It's amazing to hear Michael's demo version of 'Fall Again' so many years later and be in awe of his artistry. Michael is the reason I became a performer (having seen his 'Bad' tour in 1987 and knowing in an instant that performing was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life). Listening to his records taught me how to sing. I'm proud that years later in my own career there are pieces of him in my work. And although he is not with us anymore, I like to think that little spark he ignited in me as an artist is part of his legacy.
Sorry if this was long and sappy - but I know there are M.J fans out there who would appreciate this story. I'd always wanted to tell it. And today I did.
As a funny epilogue to this story - here's the bit where I almost met Michael.
At the time of the recording, Tommy Motolla was president of Sony Music. He came in to the studio the same day Walter was recording M.J and he said to me 'Darren, there's someone very special that I'd like to bring in to the studio to introduce you to. Is it o.k if I bring another artist in here to say hello?" he said.
Of course I thought he meant Michael.
Of course he meant Michael right? Michael was across the street working with the same producer I was with! Bring it on!
Tommy left the room and said he'd be right back.
So I sat there in the studio with the engineer, absolutely about to pee my pants.
Tommy knocks on the door.
My heart stops.
And then it sinks.
In walks Tommy with a very tall later 40's white male with blond hair.
Ie NOT MICHAEL JACKSON.
'Darren this is Darryl' Tommy says.
"Hi' I say with mock enthusiasm.
Tommy proceeds to play this man 'Two Beds and a Coffee' machine, the song that we'd been working on that day.
Darryl sits back in his chair and with the most sincere tone tells me that I'm an incredible song writer and that he loves my voice.
'Thanks!' I say, still devastated this man is not Michael Jackson.
When Tommy and Darryl leave, the engineer turns to me and says
'Do you know who that was?'.
'Nope' I say.
'That was Darryl Hall, of Hall and Oates'.
Now let the record show, I was and remain a MASSIVE fan of Hall and Oates.
And I felt incredibly rude for being oblivious to this fact. In my defence Darryl had a beard at the time and my memory of him was clean shaven and much younger of course.
So I died a little twice that day.
But there you have it.
I decided to add some tweets from Darren about Michael as well. These are from June 2009 and tell of his love. Sweet and what so many of us felt and still feel today. We miss and love you so much Michael.
My hero. I loved you. You made my world a better place. I am devastated.
So sad 2day.Can't describe it .In studio trying to find my voice. In many ways a huge part of it has left. Just hope he's at peace.
I made a You Tube video with this poem in it today. I felt inspired and when words alone failed me, I let my feelings out in a more visionary way.
These words are inspired by Michael. He knows about our love for him and how much we miss him. He’s comforting every single one of us, if we’re just listening. With our hearts.
I walk with you
“I walk with you, in the summer’s rain
I touch your face, I ease your pain
I throw my love, into your hearts,
Wishing it falls to the deepest of parts
I draw the stars, right from the sky
I paint them all, to never die
I catch the moon, to help you see
I let it glow, through darkness for thee
I merge the sun, into your hearts
To lighten up the darkest of paths
I do it all, just let me know,
You feel my touch, upon your soul”
01/20/11 - Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson
Here’s the link to the video if anyone’s interested:
I love and miss you Michael. Always.
I’m so in love
With all that you are
You give me a look
I watch from afar
I bleed in your presence
You colour my skin
You give my life meaning
You’re soft like a sin
You are my own breath,
The sweetness of all
I feel you in me
You make me soar
I fly through the woods
I travel the seas
I look for you always
In skies, stars and trees
I search for you now
But you are in me
Just how it should be
01/17/11 - Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson
I love to write but sometimes the words don’t come through right. Today is one of those days. Maybe I miss you to much. Maybe the grief has a tighter grip on me this day. Whatever is true, I decided to put these words down for you today. I wrote them back in January and didn’t think much of it then. Maybe I still don’t, but it contains my feelings for you, what I felt at the time, and still do. That’s all I could do now Michael, the words fail me. I miss you so much.
My love always,
"Elizabeth Taylor is a warm, cuddly blanket that I love to snuggle up to and cover myself with. I can confide in her and trust her. She’s Mother Teresa, Princess Diana, the Queen of England, and Wendy”
- Michael Jackson
These words say it all. The way Michael loved his dear Elizabeth has been verbalised in many different ways through their blossoming love and friendship, and this is just one more testimony of their great love and affection for each other. I am happy Michael did have someone like Elizabeth in his life, and I’ve never found it weird in any way. People form friendships with people all ages. I rarely find myself being friends with people my age, I tend to have much older, or much younger friends. Age is just a number and as the hands of time make me older, number wise, I find this to be even truer. I love all people and I don’t discriminate a person because of their age that would be foolish to do. I would have missed out on many important and nurturing friendships had I done so. Michael and Elizabeth did have a lot in common. Through their broken childhoods, both being child stars, they found a bond that made them inseparable. I find that beautiful. I am sure they connected on much deeper levels than what most of the world is ready to understand as well, it’s very easy to see their connection was a soul one.
I don’t know much about Elizabeth, I have to confess, yet somehow I feel I know her. She had the same sparkle Michael did, she was a humanitarian and she was working effortlessly to help make this world a better place. Like with Michael, I tend to see what her heart was like, rather than taking score when it comes to her career or her much reported private life. I feel she was a beautiful soul put here to shine the way Michael did. I draw great strength and inspiration from her life, the way she turned tragedy into success, how she despite ill health and problems remained strong. I love how she was there for Michael in his turmoil. I love how loyal she was to him, the way they both could trust in each other. I love her for standing up for her friend in his time of need. I love her for being brave and showing her love and support publicly when many of Michaels “friends” said nothing in his favour.
Another humble heart has left the world but will continue to shine from above, of that there’s no question. Its comforting to know Michael is now reunited with his love Elizabeth, I bet they’re having a blast in their heavenly reunion.
God Bless you Dame Elizabeth Taylor, my prayers are with you and your family at this time. Give Michael a hug from me as you rejoice in heaven. Have fun!
03/23/11 Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson
Why is it so difficult to understand Michael Jackson? I’ve never understood that, I’ve always been puzzled and amazed at how vicious the assumptions have been, or how completely ignorant and utterly ridiculous the comments about him have been. How nastily the tabloids have portrayed him. I’ve never seen anything else than a loving human being trying his best to do good for the world, helping children and adults all over the world when struggling. I’ve never seen anyone else than a person, a genius when it comes to music and performing, putting his heart in everything he does, in order to give the world his best efforts. I’ve never seen a man putting so much of himself into his work, his very heart and soul. I’ve never seen anybody with that much soul period. Am I looking at the same man as the rest of the world? As those scorning him? And if so, how come I, and many others with me, see such a different man than the people slandering him?
No, its not that I’m a crazed fan, I love Michaels music and everything about him, but I’ve never been one to follow him around the world, trying to get a glimpse of him, or trying to get a piece of him reaching for him in crowds. Not that I judge people who did, it’s just not me. I wanted to meet Michael as much as anyone, but it was never my style to throw myself at his feet in order to get attention. I felt, should I ever meet him; I would want it to be in a civilized way, and in a lot calmer fashion than a few fleeting moments in a crazed crowd. But that’s not the point here. What I’m trying to understand is how it is that people living in the same world, can have the complete opposite feelings and views about the very same man. Why don’t some people see what I see in Michael, and so many with me?
The answer seems to be, it’s the way we look at the world. And this is true for all and everything we see. What I see is coloured through the lens of perception, MY lens of perception that is. It can be rose coloured, covered with dirt, shiny and new, or filled with dust. It is clouded by what we have gone through in our lives; every experience has left a mark on the lens and stained it. And it’s through that stained lens we view the world. So what I see in you, is truly what has been going on with me, and is me, reflected in you.
There’s no getting away from it. So what does this mean? Well for once, it means that people who are seeing something wrong, or weird, in Michael spending time with children probably has a lot of their own lenses covered with perverted dirt. No other way to view it. I never saw anything sexual in it, because my lens wouldn’t allow me. I knew it was all innocent, I could feel it in my heart. Another medium people don’t use that often. We are told to look at the world with our minds, all logical, structured, that what we seem to hear, taste and touch is what’s accurate. We forget all about our other option here, feelings, maybe the most important one.
The one centre in us we don’t give enough attention, we don’t believe its something to count for, when it truly is the most important thing we’ve got. It tells us all the time what are views on the world and everything in it is, where we stand, what we should do. It’s our guiding system, in a way. Who does not care bout their feelings? We all do. So why is it that easy to discard? Why do we use them only when it comes to ending relationships, or moving into a new job, or what hobby we like to spend more time on? The feelings tell us, all the time, what we believe in. They are our very foundation if you think about it. And mine told me Michael was innocent, so I trust in that, as I trust in them guiding me through life. I just KNOW because my feelings tell me. Many people don’t understand this at all. They need proof and they listen to other people, people outside of themselves, with much different lenses, and allow them to make up their minds for them. They do not listen to themselves, their own guiding system, telling them what their truth is. Because we all have it, all of us, we are born with it. Can you tell of anyone that doesn’t have feelings? Well, psychopaths of course, but I don’t know enough about the subject to bring that particular part into this discussion. Most of us human beings do have feelings, and they do tell us the truth. If we dare to listen.
Our lenses shape our reality. They really do. We can’t escape our experiences, our bodies, or what we are, or have learnt while here, in this body. So how can we ever judge with a clear mind? We can’t, it’s all coloured. Through that lens of ours. So please, people, stop judging, start understanding this, and our world will become a better place. Soon, I pray.
This all came about watching the Bashir documentary. Michael is, in everyway, trying to the best of his ability, to get HIS point across. What he sees in children and what he tried to do for them. Its right there, he says it over and over again. He’s completely honest with what his feelings are. All Bashir does is try to make it into something weird, or odd, or even criminal. Bashir adds his own feelings ands views to it, like we all do. Problem is, Bashir has a dirty lens in which HE views Michael’s actions. It has nothing to do with what Michael did. Its Bashirs own conclusions. It’s so clear, why don’t more people understand this? I wish they could. It breaks my heart to know that this very interview was part of the final breaking down of a beautiful human being and humanitarian. It makes me feel like we are animals eating the flesh belonging to someone of our own. It makes me realize how the stupidity and ignorance amongst the human race is far bigger than I ever thought. It’s like we’re going in circles.
What has really changed in our society? Not a lot it seems. We still feel threatened by people carrying nothing but love for humanity. We still chose to compete with each other. We still feel each to their own is the way to go. When is it ever going to change, I ask. When? When are we going to realize we’re all one and that we need each other? When? All I know is, not as long as we kill off people like Michael. Who is going to tie the world together now? Well, we all are. Every single person living on this planet. Too bad it took for one of our greatest to die in order to recognize it. I’m getting tired of this foolishness. Pray for us folks, we need every bit of love there is, in all of us, to see this through. We’re going down fast. Words can destroy and hate kills, when are we going to realize this and come together as one human race under the stars, living our lives on our beautiful planet, Mother Earth? When, I ask. When?
Written with love and respect for Michael and everyone trying to make this world a better place, I love you all.
01/30/11 - Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson
A precious flower at the core,
A group of angels making sure
That my message will come true,
A higher meaning, to shine through
A love that reaches all mankind,
That sweeps away the old mans land
A new beginning will take place,
Embrace yourselves, enjoy this phase
Keep your core, closely knit
You were chosen, you were picked
For this reason I will share
In due time, for all to bare
Trust in me, like I in you
You are chosen, you are you
Long ago, before this earth,
We were together, in our worth
In our love, we join as one
We come together for all time
We are the love needed here
Know, embrace it, feel no fear
01/25/11 - Copyright © 2011 by Petra Gustafsson
I’m so VERY proud to be one of the contributors to this fanthology. It’s all for love, L.O.V.E and I would like to thank Michael for his never-ending love and support. I love you more than words can say, from the bottom of my heart and the depth of my soul, thank you Michael. We make a great team ; )
Thank you also to Lorette C. Luzajic for letting two of my contributions make it into the book, I am so very proud you let me be a part of this project, thank you!
Get it on Amazon.com!
A few out of billions of Michael Jackson devotees lift their voices in this heartfelt anthology. With the heart laid bare, these fans share how Michael touched their souls. In the spirit of Michael Jackson, one dollar from the sale of each book goes to Kids Help Phone.
About the Author
Lorette C. Luzajic is the author of Goodbye, Billie Jean: the Meaning of Michael Jackson; Fascinating Writers; Dendrite Pandemonium: hits, misses, and random b-sides; Weird Monologues for a Rainy Life (irreverent ramblings from the end of the world); and The Astronaut's Wife: Poems of Eros and Thanatos. She loves interesting people, so she writes about them, everywhere, but especially at www.fascinatingpeople.wordpress.com.
I found this on the Major Love Prayer site today. It needs to be shared.
Posted: Wednesday, October 20, 2010
We recently ran across this beautiful story online and want to share it. What you will read below is simply magical and is one of countless stories like it that now live in the hearts of so many across the world. It's a story of LOVE, CARING, COMPASSION and MIRACLES. Oh Michael, thank you and bless you! You continue be an inspiration to us and a shining light of hope, and will be through the rest of our days ... and beyond. We pray that we can all find it in our hearts to emulate you, even in some small way, through whatever gifts we have been given in this life. Even if our way of doing so may seem insignificant to us at the time, every act of kindness and every prayer of love leaves a lasting impact on our world and for the future. And Michael is always there to remind us. ♥
Posted in comments on oprah.com October 18, 2010 by 'SwiftHearts': -- "I recently heard of this interview airing and decided to get more information about it on Oprah's website. This is when I stumbled across this discussion and decided to share my story. I was diagnosed with a rare form of child bone cancer in 2000 at the age of fifteen. I was to start chemo therapy in August of that year. Not many people know this but Michael opened up Neverland several times each year for anyone to come and enjoy the park. Everything was free. Rides, games, food. A friend of mine who was a regular at Neverland called me one night and told me the park was going to be open for two weeks at the beginning of August that year. I asked my parents if they would take me the week before I was scheduled to start chemo. My doctors all advised against saying they feared I was too weak but I eventually talked my parents in to it. We had to drive what seemed like several miles after we went through the front gates of Neverland to get to where the actual park was with the rides. As we were driving down the winding road something came over me that I can't explain to this day. It was almost a feeling of peace.
When my family and I stepped out of the car we weren't sure if we should check in with someone or really what to do. A man finally walked over to us and introduced himself and then explained to my parents how everything worked. We signed in with our names and other information and were given matching wrist bands and told we could ride anything we wanted, eat anything we wanted, play any of the games, etc. The man mentioned that on occasion Michael would come outside and say hello to everyone there. My parents thanked the man and within minutes I was at the top of the ferris wheel with my Dad. We rode it three times in a row and then it was on to the swings. We rode the rides for hours before getting in line to get some cotton candy and popcorn. As we sat down at a table with our snacks we noticed a crowd of children running all in one direction. I stood up on the seat of the table we were at but couldn't see anything. Several minutes later the crowd began moving towards us and it was then that I saw Michael. Standing under a huge umbrella and laughing as children were pulling at his arms, legs, and hugging him.
My Mom then grabbed my hand and we made our way over to him. We introduced ourselves and my Mom told him what a wonderful time we were having. She then told him about my cancer and that I would be starting chemo the next week. When she said that Michael put one hand on my head and said, "God Bless you." When he touched me I felt the same feeling of peace and comfort that I did as I had when we drove through the gates of Neverland. He stood there and talked to us for a couple more minutes and then he left. I continued riding rides with my family and the other children but I couldn't stop thinking about meeting him. As we were leaving that night the man who we spoke to when we arrived stopped my dad and handed him a note. The note was from Michael and it was inviting the three of us to have dinner with him. Without hesitation my Dad accepted the invitation and the man then directed us to through another gate which led to the main house. I was surprised once we were in front of the house. I expected it to be this huge mansion but it wasn't. It wasn't small but it certainly wasn't huge. Several people who worked for him greeted us when we pulled up outside. We had dinner with Michael and his children that night and to this day it was the best night of my life. After dinner he asked my parents if it would be ok if he prayed with us and of course they said yes. I had never and still to this day have never heard anyone pray the way he did. At fifteen years old it made me cry.
After he finished praying I opened my eyes and looked to each of my parents who were in tears as well. Michael was gracious enough to give us a tour of some of the things we weren't able to see earlier in the day. He showed us the arcade and the movie theater. The movie theater at Neverland was not your typical theater. Not only were there seats like a real theater, there were also beds for the children who were too sick to sit up. After showing us around we said goodbye to Michael and thanked him for everything. Imagine my Mother's surprise when she received a call from him several days later! We assumed he had obtained our number from the sign in sheet that we filled out upon arriving at Neverland. He asked her how I was doing and she told him I would begin chemo on Monday. He then gave her a number in which to reach him directly and asked her to please call him and let him know how I was doing around the middle of the week. She agreed. I went that Monday morning to the hospital prepared to begin chemo. When the doctor walked in the room he asked both of my parents to sit down. The three of us feared he was going to say the cancer had spread. They had run blood work and some more scans on me two days prior which is typical prior to beginning treatment.
When the doctor began to speak he looked at my parents and said, "I don't know how to tell you this. I don't know how to explain this but Danielle no longer has cancer. There are no signs of it on any of the scans we just took." My Mom, my Dad, and I sat there and just stared at him and finally my Mom burst in to tears. We left the hospital and the first thing my Mom did when we got home was call Michael. I was embarrassed because she was crying on the phone but then she handed the phone to me to speak to him and it was obvious he had been crying as well. Through the years Michael remained in touch with my family and would call us several times a year on the phone to say hello. He would sometimes send us gifts and cards. I have been cancer free for ten years now. I can't explain what happened when I went to Neverland. It's defies explanation. I want people to know that I am not the only one who visited Neverland very sick only to become well after my visit. There are hundreds, if not thousands of us. Our stories were never made public because Michael didn't want that. He was a wonderful man. I have never met anyone who cared so deeply about not just children but people in general."
As I watched the light fly away, float, into the dark evening sky, I felt a sense of peace I hadn’t felt the rest of the day. It was beautiful, shiny sparkly and splendidly bright, like a golden orange yellow moon, or a big bright apple lightening up the sky. It flew so fast, disappearing into the clouds, never to return. I watched it hide behind the clouds and knew it was found by you and all the stars hiding above the grey silver sky. I thought about how much love you must receive on this day and it made me smile. I knew I was ok because I have you in my heart. You are not lost, your love is not lost, and your music is not lost. You are alive in all of us loving and remembering you. Honouring your memory and legacy. I thought about the small seeds that are planted in all of us. I thought about how mine have grown so much because of your love. I thought about the seeds turning into beautiful flowers. I thought about how I owe it all to you. It turns out that on your birthday you are giving me the greatest gift. Thank you Michael for giving it your all and then some. I love you most. Happy birthday.
The 29th of August will be a day of celebration for me. I remember a year ago, the first one without you here, how I made a conscious decision to make at least THAT day wonderful and a celebration of your life, not your passing. It was hard, but I got myself together and made it a wonderful day. Sure, there were tears, but they were tears of joy and pride. I felt so much love on that day and I know you felt it too. I remembered how honoured I was to have had you in my life at all, what a blessing it had been. How much you gave of yourself and what you had meant to me throughout my life. I focused on love. I sent you a balloon, attached with a note. As I watched it rise in the evening sky, never to return, I smiled inside knowing it would reach you in heaven. This year I will do the same. I love you Michael. Happy birthday.
All my love
I hear you all,
and your love
They reach me
I tell you for sure
I promise you this,
that one day you’ll see,
how wonderfully splendid, it all is for me
Until that day
hold your heads high,
Keep me in your hearts,
I keep you in mine
Spread to the world
A love so divine
Give them a feeling of
your heart and mine
Teach them that love
is all that there is,
Truth’s at the core,
surrounded by bliss
© Copyright 2010 Petra Gustafsson All Rights Reserved. No Reproduction Without Permission Of Owner.
Someone really special was taken from us on June 25th 2009. It broke many of our hearts and today the grief is still fresh and raw in our minds, like it only happened yesterday. It’s hard to believe it’s been a year, where did it go, what happened, who else died, other events? It’s all a blur, nothing really felt significant enough to be registered after June 25th, life was put on hold and it was hard to breathe at times. Seasons came and went, occasions that we’re usually happy ones, like Christmas or birthdays, tinted by sorrow.
There will always be before and after when it comes to Michael, life will never be the same since his passing, it’s written in our hearts, a change has come and it echoes throughout the world. We all know it, we might feel it in different ways, but its still there, undisputed, a change has come. Wanting it or not. Most days, I have to admit, I wish this change hadn’t come, that it was just back to normal, Michael’s heartbeat still in this world, pushing us to make it a better place. But life doesn’t work that way, it continues pushing us forward. Change is all we can rely on, it’s all we know for sure. Change is a given. No matter how hard we fight it. We all change. This past year more then ever before, it was the year I lost my childhood hero, my big brother, my spiritual teacher, my ambassador for love and peace, my hope for making this world a better place, a piece of my heart. In the instant Michael was gone, a shift occurred and life as we knew it, gone. Maya Angelou said it best “In the instant that Michael is gone, we know nothing”.
For what do we know? Since Michael left, very little. It shook my foundation to the core, made me feel like an orphan, question life and the belief in a God of some kind. How could he/she/it have taken our most precious Michael away in this time of need? Why now? Isn’t the world in a crazy state of mind, is he not needed here right now? Then it hit me, he is still needed here, but from where he now is he can do much more, so much more. Maybe that’s why he had to leave at this time, to really help us? Teach us through his physical absence to take our selves seriously, take a look at ourselves and for once, make that change? To really see the Man in the mirror, take a closer look, not just sneak a peak? I know this has been stated many times in different ways, but I believe it’s true.
Facing the fact there is something bigger out there, must be followed by the conclusion it knows what it does, we are not left in dire straits, that would be preposterous for us to believe.
The belief in a higher power must be accompanied by the faith that nothing happens by chance, or mistake. It’s all carefully planned. If it’s indeed almighty, there can be no other way. There’s no God doing things semi well, is there? So if no mistake is done, where does that leave us? Our loss? Well, there must be something to it. And I choose to believe it has a meaning, I know it does. I guess this is really a trial of our faith, for me it is at least.
I find myself asking, what did Michael believe in, when he was here, like us? What made him strong, what, or who did he credit all of his talent? The answer is simple, God. We have all witnessed him saying over and over again how he felt guilty sometimes putting his name on his masterpieces, praising someone else for it, a higher power, God. It falls right into my lap, it’s created in space, was a common thing for him to say. Well, that’s where we must find our strength.
For what Michael believed in I must too. I feel it strongly, he showed us the way, and he was more open to it than most people on this planet. He showed us time and time again that we are not alone. He even sang about it. There are so many clues left in his music for us to pick up on, so many insights, so much wisdom. We can all still learn from it and it will always be there. It will keep us strong; help us remember when times are hard, what he truly stood for, what he believed in. We can use that belief to strengthen ourselves, pick us up when feeling down. Help us keep the faith and continue forward despite missing Michael. For that we do, every day. Not a day has gone by that he hasn’t been on my mind. I guess it’s really like that, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Never has it been truer. Just a year ago, I never foresaw this scenario, a world with out Michael, unthinkable, like today. But here we are, in the midst of it, trying to come to terms with the fact that life has indeed changed. No matter how hard we try to fight it, or what our feelings are about it. This we don’t get to choose. It just is. And well, we’re left to deal with it.
Michael may be gone from physical but his love is still shining down on us and will continue to do for as long as we live. He hasn’t left us; he’s just disappeared from our physical eyes for a while. And until we reunite again we will keep missing that someone really special.
For Michael Joseph Jackson,
Thank you for your never ending inspiration and love Michael, I love you most.
06/23/10 - Copyright © 2010 by Petra Gustafsson]
A year on and everything is completely changed, me, my life, the world and everything in it. I feel I have lived a thousand years, yet I remember it like yesterday. The day you left, still fresh in my mind. The shock, the pain, the disbelief, the incredible sadness, I must have cried a million tears.
But through it all a light has emerged from the deepest part of my soul telling me, this is not it, love is all there is and we are all one. And I owe it all to you. Thank you my angel, I love you most.
See Michael, we're doing this for YOU!
Bringing the world together, making it a brighter place.
Thank you for EVERYTHING sweet, sweet Michael, thank you.
My heart and love is yours, now and forever.