As I sit in my home this evening after another trying day, listening to Michael Jackson's music, I lay back and close my eyes and immediately his image appears.  His face is as clear as day. His eyes are kind and he is smiling.  It seems that every time I close my eyes, his face is the first thing that comes to me.  And in this instance I know that Michael will never be lost to me for as long as I live.  

I was very happy for Michael's family that Judge Pastor was able to see through the forest of lies perpetrated by Conrad Murray over those 6 weeks of trial, and that he didn't mince his words when reprimanding him.  He was 100% right.  And he gave Murray the most he could for the charges presented.  I do believe that had Murray been charged with a greater crime, the outcome would have been the same.  But we take what we can get and 4 years was for these charges, the best.  Thank you Judge Pastor.  You did us proud.

I have always said that once the trial was over, so would be my days on the computer forums where I have virtually lived since June 25, 2009.  It has taken its toll and so I must do what is best for me.  Nothing and no one could have held me captive the way this has.  It changed my life.  And for it, I know I have become a better person.  But now it is time for me to move on.

As I close this chapter in my life I just want to say that Michael Jackson will always be with me.  He will always be the catalyst that moves me to change things that I know need changing in my life and around me. He is, as his song implies, another part of me.  And so is every wonderful human being I have come to know over these years.  We are all a piece of the pattern in this quilt of what we call life and will always be.

I have made many friends and acquaintances whose faces I'll never get to see.  Though I have lost many loved ones, I have gained so much compassion for people at a spiritual level which has helped me to understand on a much smaller scale how Michael must have felt  when he tried to impart to the world that he loved us more.  It is possible to love humanity just because we are all intricately spiritually interwoven on this planet.  Even when we do not recognize the faces, we feel the love.  We meet and love as one.  That's what Michael wanted for us and now it makes perfect sense.  Love is universal and it's only face is the heart.

I hope as we go out into the world after this day that we will venture with a stronger, greater purpose, and that the vision is clear.  Michael died for that and he shall not have died in vain.  When duty calls we all must answer and remember Michael's legacy, to make this a better world for you and for me.

Dear Michael Jackson, thank you for the sacrifices.  Thank you for the tools with which to start. Thank you for the vision on which to embark.  And thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for always, always, always making me believe it when ever you said I love you more.  God Bless and keep your dream alive.  Keep dancing Michael.  Keep smiling.  And I promise to keep believing that I too can dance the dream.

To Paris, Prince, and Blanket.  Your father is a hero, a legend, an angel, and he is always with you. Touch your hearts and feel his beating there.

To Katherine and Joseph - God Bless you and thank you for sharing your gift with the world. May you always know that you were loved.

To Jackie, Jermaine, Tito, Randy, LaToya, Janet, Marlon, Rebbie - You are thy brother's keeper. Cherish the memories & be the keepers of the dream.

To Omar Bhatti - You had the best of him.  Share your gifts and cherish the love that only you knew. You wear it wll.

Michael Joe Jackson is love, love lives forever.  The last tear I will ever shed will be for the loss of his genuine loving presence on this earth. God has him now. And he is not alone.   May he forever rest in peace. Sleep Angel.  It's finally over and you are free to fly at last.

When I look to the heavens your face I'll see

gently smiling down at me

And when at last I take my rest

I'll know I'll be going to join the best

Save a place for me, Michael; right between you and my beloved Raphael.  There's no other place I'd rather be.  So angels, save a place for me.

Good nite.

Cassaundra Mathis

Atlanta, Georgia

On this 25th day of November, the lines of this song keeps coming to mind.  It is 29 months since Michael left us and on the 29th day we will learn at last the fate of the man indicted for taking him.  

I was reborn when I was broken

I wouldn't believe... I wouldn't believe

Been through a storm no use in hoping

that you would come rescue me

somehow your love set me free, and now...

I can let my life pass me by

Or I can get down and try

To work it all out this lifetime

I can let my life pass me by

or I can get down and try

to work it all out this lifetime.

Lifetime

                    Maxwell

Remembering Michael Jackson with love as my time draws nearer  to closing this chapter but never the book.  Lifetime, what does it mean and what secrets does it hold?  Not until death is that question ever answered, and even still it remains a mystery to us.  Those who remain are left to figure it out and tell the story.

will you be there?

The words that haunt me everday.

Now that the trial is over and there is no more speculation, no more waiting, no more wondering, no more anger, no more of anything, now what?  Michael is gone.  and all that is left is a void that is so huge, a hole that is so deep and so black, and an emptiness that is so total that all other feelings dull in comparison to it.  Michael is gone.  Where he was is now in a state of almost total silence. He is gone and it seems that a whole book in history is finished, like a door that was once always wide open, started slowly closing on June 25,. 2009,  so slow that unless you had walked away for a month or two and then returned to it, you would not have noticed.  But now, when I look at that door that stood agape over 2 years ago, there is only a slight crack left.  Just enough to barely see inside.  And what I see is nothing.  My worse fear has been realized.  Michael is disappearing.  He is being erased.  And it breaks my heart.

I hope someday soon that the Estate will reralize the importance, the absolute necessity in preserving some deserving place for Michael to be remembered for all the magic and all the glory; where his essence will shine and everything about him, captured and displayed for the world to see and touch.   There must be a place for us to go, it's imperative.  It does not seem "humane"  to have not a special somewhere designated for his fans to come together and remember and honor him, a place where we can gather together and hold onto that which remains.   How can the most beloved and most magnanimous entertainer of all time, who loved his fans more than life itself, not have a place of tribute to him in his country?  It doesnt make sense. 

Please bring forth a place for people like me to go to when we miss Michael and want to be near to and touch something that was the essence and beauty of him.  The world feels so different now since everything, the trial, the verdict is in and over.  It feels like everything has stopped.  There is silence which he never was.  He was energy and beating heart and love.  It feels like the world has started to close the book and see Michael Jackson as just another era whose time has come and gone.  I cannot put him away into a back corner or my mind.    I will not let go of his hand.  He is more than that.  There is a poem that says "do not  stand at my grave and weep, because I am not there."  That's how I feel about Michael.  I don't want to begin and end my journey to finding all tha represents him at Forest Lawn.  Because to me he is in the wind and the moon and the rain, and the air; in the stars, in fact to me he is everywhere.  Give us  place dedicated to all that is was and will forever be Michael Jackson.  No one deserves it more. No one. 

Michael, I will always love you more.  Always in my heart!  Never forgotten.

Cassaundra

 of the final hours of wait and wait.  But I will be here waiting and praying for the final verdict in this life and death saga of the people's angel, Michael Jackson.  I do not know what the final verdict will be, but not for the prosecution not having given it their all.  

Dear David Walgren, I gained the greatest respect and love and admiration for you watching as you stood firm against a defense who tried willfully to paint Michael as any and everything other than the victim.  You gave back the dignity to Michael's name that so many years of unrelenting tabloid abuse had all but taken away, and that makes my heart sing your praises.  No one could have done a grander job of honoring his life and demanding repreive for his untimely, unnecessry death than you did.  I stood up and shouted God is good as yours , the final words of truth, rang through that courtroom, demanding justice and outlining the reality of what took place on the morning of June 25, 2009 behind the guilded gates at 100 N Carolwood Drive at the hands and under the care of Conrad Murray.  If the jury does not see fit to find Conrad guity, then they will have to live with that and justice in America is only a pipe dream.  

I just want to say "thank you" for the honorable work done by the prosecution team with you at its helm, throughout every single day of this trial.  It brought me to tears to see the dedicated determination and will to do the right thing by and for Michael Jackson, his children, his family, his fans.  God Bless you.

Your name will be forever placed in my heart right next to Tom Messereau.  You two are Michael's angels.  If ever there is occsion for my support for anything that you are apart, please, count me in.  Thank you Tom, thank you David, for being honest, upstanding men.  And thank you for caring enough to do your very best.  You are heroes.

http://www.tmz.com/2011/11/03/conrad-murray-manslaughter-trial-defense-rests-closing-arguments-beach-santa-monica/

Michael is laying cold in a crypt killed by his careless antics and he is out strolling on the beach with his baby mama and their child.  God Bless the child.  He is innocent.  But wow, wouldn't Michael have loved to have the opportunity to walk on the beach or anywhere else with his THREE children!  This burns me up and the hate I feel seethuing though my body when I see these kinds of pictures will probably be the ticket that gets me an inviation for an eternity in hell.

And now I hear he's a prospect for making millions off of books and interviews.  Forgive me for saying this, but I hope he realizes that he is a dead man walking.  Somebody won't be as level headed as we are in loathing him but not carrying out what's truly in our hearts.

God please be with us in these trying days and hours ahead.  I know I need all the strength and prayers I can muster because this is tearing me up inside, out.

He says it all. Nothing left to add except, I miss and love you more